I got a piggy back ride from a guy with birth giving hips and now I know I am not joining the equestrian team.
It’s a Saturday night and I have just went to bed, but it isn’t just any Saturday night, its the definitive night the first years get to spend their next four-five-twenty years in College. So just when I was knee deep in my REM cycle (which I haven’t been able to reach much of) I hear some heavy banging on my door. First thought, security, second thought, I’m at the door about to yell in some faces. Third thought, someone opened the door. I’m really confused seeing familiar silhouettes and the feeling was similar to meeting your friends when you are expecting a robbery.
These particular group of “friends” as they seem to think they are are 4 tri-sport athletes one trying to quit smoking and his girlfriend staring at me from the unholy light. They keep saying “North Lawn” (the lawn area outside my dorm) like its some code word for something going down. To sate their curiosity I walk out to see a huge group of people milling around on the North Lawn and I am not having it. I run back to my room, try and shut the door to no avail, and returned slightly unhinged to my bed.
The chanting stops and they now have resorted to turning on the lights and trying to drag me out of bed and saying crap like “you’re the life of the party” or “It will be fun” like I want fun at 10:30 on a Saturday evening. I WANT MY REM CYCLES. This is when I really flip and begin in the continuous yelling of “Shoes OFF mutherfuckers!” as they enter the room and when presented with the line “Mr. Penguin wants you to go to North Lawn” with my stress relief stuffed animal held up to my face, I drunkenly picked up the nearest hammer and replied"I will fucking kill Mr. Penguin".
After a hard won four minute struggle I’ve successfully fended them off but the adrenaline is still here. And I can’t go back to bed now. I really want him dead, that Mr. Penguin.